Re-Entry

Day by day, moment by moment, he re-entered our lives. He sub-let his apartment to another woman (a friend of a friend) who was in the midst of getting separated. Ironically, her name was Teri. She took over the lease one weekend, and the bits and pieces of furniture he had had there somehow found their way into the basement of the rented house that had previously been just mine. Although he was now there full time, it still felt like mine, not ours.

For that reason, and because I had wanted to own one for the past six years, we began to look for a house to buy. This was not the first time we went house hunting. We had done it in Portland, again in Colorado, and yet again in NY. This time felt different. Mostly because I now knew, more than ever, there was no turning back. I loved my neighborhood. He loved my neighborhood. The big boy was already in kindergarten, and I loved the school. We were "walkers" and I wanted to continue being a walker, therefore we only looked at houses within a 3 block radius of the current rental. So the looking was painless.

At the end of the first week of living together, we drove by an open house literally a block and a half away. It was absolutely perfect. it was on one of my favorite streets, it was still walkable to school, it was just the right size--and even in our price range. The kitchen need a major renovation, but that was par for the course for these hundred-year-old houses.

We walked around the open house on cloud nine. "I can't believe it, I said--this is perfect". Then, the real estate broker pounced. "Just to let you folks know," she said, there has been an offer down on the house already--so if you are interested, you are going to need to move quickly". Now, I am familiar with real estate brokers and their tactics....however, I also knew the market was starting to heat up. "OK", we said as we left the house. Cloud nine turned to cloud seven to cloud three by the 10th step.

I was NOT ready to make a decision. Yes, the house was perfect, but WHAT IF....

Greg was much less concerned. "So, should we make an offer?" he said matter-of-factly as we got into the car. "It's just what we're looking for," he continued through my silence. He began listing all the key features as my head swam. This was such a role reversal. Although Greg adores buying things--we call him our "purchasing department", he is not normally decisive about the big issues. I, on the other hand, always know what I want and am virtually ready to seize the day at any given moment (most often when I have an appointment to be elsewhere). I just sat. Silence, the funeral parlor kind, filled the car.

He finally began to drive. "I'm just not ready." I said slowly and carefully. "We aren't solid yet. We have no foundation." I continued.

"But that's what a house is--it'll help us get some of the solid footing we need" Greg responded. I could feel he was ready to be out of my house and into a place that would really be ours.

"I just need a little more time. I can't do it today" I felt the words drift out through the fog in my head.
"I get it", he replied. "I really do." "Let's talk about it more tomorrow"

"There we go--that makes sense" I responded as the fog began to lift. "I'm sure it's not going to be sold by tomorrow, for God's sake."

The fog I was treading through came and went throughout the rest of the day. By morning, I was a little clearer.

"Let's just call and find out what the deal is". I said over my first cup of Joe.
"Great idea" he declared and went to call the broker.

"The offer was accepted yesterday," he walked back in with sagging shoulders.

"I guess it wasn't meant to be," I replied with a mixture of relief and regret.

I had a fleeting thought--"Does this mean we really shouldn't be getting back together?" I didn't voice it.

"They'll be other houses," I said brightly, not yet knowing we were another full year away from finding one.