Working Mom
I knew I didnt want to jump back into the working world with both feet. I felt both excited and scared. I didn't even know what to try to do. My background was in marketing for major consumer products companies--and there was only one in the Philadelphia area; but it was actually in South Jersey "across the bridge". It just seemed too far away from my kids. I also felt it was time to try something similar, but not exactly the same. Oh yeah, and I was committed to working part-time only. Fortunately I could afford it at the time. With the kids as young as they were, I just didn't want to be away from them for eight hours a day, especially since Greg was with them on Saturdays.
It was a lot to ask.
I had a limited network of family and college friends who might be able to help. My best friend from college, Joan, is very like a sibling to me. She is one of nine, similar upbringing, similar energy, and, like me, competitive in nature. She even looks like me. From the day of my arrival in Philly, she bemoaned my SHM choice. "You need to be working" she said every Saturday when I went to stay at her house. "It'll do you good--pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on". I waffled, but ultimately caved--halfway.
At one point, during the waffling stage, I went away for the weekend with 4 college friends--Joan included. I told them I was seriously considering going back to school to become a psychologist. Bursts of laughter filled the air on all sides. "What?" I asked. "Don't you think I'd be a great psychologist?"
"Oh yeah, right," said Liz, "You--listening to someone elses problems?"
"I can just see it," added Claire, your response will be, "Oh, you think that's bad...well guess what happened to me!!"
" I had to move 4 times in 4 years and then had to leave my husband" Peggy chimed in.
Joan hadn't been able to respond as she was still laughing and had yet to take a breath.
I forgot I had spent four straight years with these people. OK, nix that idea.
Next, Joan set me up with an interview to meet man with a company I thought was perfect for me. It was a small company whose business was to train people on communication and presentation skills. I figured I had had just the right amount of therapy and business training to add tremendous value. I met with Charles, a 65 year old sweetheart and we hit it off immediately. Unfortunately, if I were to join his business, I would have had to travel all the time--and would not be able to keep the kind of schedule I was seeking. Darn. However, he asked why I hadn't spoken to Joan's boss seeing as her company was a three minute drive away from my house. "Primarily because they are a corporate interior design firm, and I know nothing about interior design" I answered. "Yes, but all companies need help with marketing. They all need to get and keep customers." he countered.
Long story short, I took a job for three days a week at Joan's workplace, a 26-person firm just down the road from my house. It was incredibly odd working with an old friend, but it was the right situation at just the right time. I had the comfort of my friend, the hours I needed, i felt close to the kids if something should happen AND my sister offered to babysit. (yes, that sister).
Even after I began working, I still considered myself an SHM with a job, rather than a true WM. But, gradually, a real WM began to appear. Someone who was engaged in learning, who was meeting new people on a daily basis, gaining confidence in a new industry, becoming emeshed in office politics, competing for "first" in valued employees.
Did my children suffer? In truth, yes. No one can convince me there is anything better for kids than a SHM--as long as she's committed and happy to be there. However, although I wasn't happier, I did regain a part of myself that had lain dormant. A certain vibrancy that may have waned a bit.
WM wasn't as bad as I thought she'd be.
It was a lot to ask.
I had a limited network of family and college friends who might be able to help. My best friend from college, Joan, is very like a sibling to me. She is one of nine, similar upbringing, similar energy, and, like me, competitive in nature. She even looks like me. From the day of my arrival in Philly, she bemoaned my SHM choice. "You need to be working" she said every Saturday when I went to stay at her house. "It'll do you good--pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on". I waffled, but ultimately caved--halfway.
At one point, during the waffling stage, I went away for the weekend with 4 college friends--Joan included. I told them I was seriously considering going back to school to become a psychologist. Bursts of laughter filled the air on all sides. "What?" I asked. "Don't you think I'd be a great psychologist?"
"Oh yeah, right," said Liz, "You--listening to someone elses problems?"
"I can just see it," added Claire, your response will be, "Oh, you think that's bad...well guess what happened to me!!"
" I had to move 4 times in 4 years and then had to leave my husband" Peggy chimed in.
Joan hadn't been able to respond as she was still laughing and had yet to take a breath.
I forgot I had spent four straight years with these people. OK, nix that idea.
Next, Joan set me up with an interview to meet man with a company I thought was perfect for me. It was a small company whose business was to train people on communication and presentation skills. I figured I had had just the right amount of therapy and business training to add tremendous value. I met with Charles, a 65 year old sweetheart and we hit it off immediately. Unfortunately, if I were to join his business, I would have had to travel all the time--and would not be able to keep the kind of schedule I was seeking. Darn. However, he asked why I hadn't spoken to Joan's boss seeing as her company was a three minute drive away from my house. "Primarily because they are a corporate interior design firm, and I know nothing about interior design" I answered. "Yes, but all companies need help with marketing. They all need to get and keep customers." he countered.
Long story short, I took a job for three days a week at Joan's workplace, a 26-person firm just down the road from my house. It was incredibly odd working with an old friend, but it was the right situation at just the right time. I had the comfort of my friend, the hours I needed, i felt close to the kids if something should happen AND my sister offered to babysit. (yes, that sister).
Even after I began working, I still considered myself an SHM with a job, rather than a true WM. But, gradually, a real WM began to appear. Someone who was engaged in learning, who was meeting new people on a daily basis, gaining confidence in a new industry, becoming emeshed in office politics, competing for "first" in valued employees.
Did my children suffer? In truth, yes. No one can convince me there is anything better for kids than a SHM--as long as she's committed and happy to be there. However, although I wasn't happier, I did regain a part of myself that had lain dormant. A certain vibrancy that may have waned a bit.
WM wasn't as bad as I thought she'd be.
posted by Ask Me Anything at Sunday, January 21, 2007
6 Comments:
More, please.
This story makes me hungry for more. Can't wait to read the next post.
That's funny about your four friends. I think you'd be a good psychologist!
This comment has been removed by the author.
It is always hard to know what the right thing to do is, especially when it comes to our kids. Life and raising our children isn't about doing it perfectly, it is about doing our best and never stop trying to do our best. Our children will learn that any OOOPs! can be forgiven, learned from and moved past. You are certainly proof of that.
Nice post.
Love hearing the way your friends reacted when you told them you wanted to be a psychologist! Love how you laugh at yourself, still my favorite Terry trait. One you could teach a few people, I think, it's a highly underdeveloped skill!
So happy to see more of your story. Such a struggle between trying to be a great mother and woman and not letting anything fall through the cracks. Looks like you found the perfect balance.
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