Gratitude in the Midst of Crisis
Excerpt from my "Gratitude Journal" 1997
I started my first Gratitude Journal a little over a year ago. At the time, I loved the idea. It meant I didn't need to write very much, didn't have to be articulate or profound...I just had to remind myself each evening of five things I had been grateful for that day. I though it would be easy enough. It was--for about three monthes. It was right about the time my marriage had begun to falter. After a few months, I decided I didn't actually have much to be grateful for so I quit writing. Now, in the midst of the worst of it, I realize what a mistake I made.
I quit reminding myself of all the beautiful things in life merely because one aspect of my life wasn't working.
When a marriage is failing, it is a tragedy, but by letting it rule the rest of my life, I am contributing even more to the problem. Unhappiness is contagious.
The problems of our marriage are many and varied. They are both no one's fault and both our individual faults. As we slipped, we both stopped taking pleasure in things previously valued. It's amazing, though, at the darkest hours, how much appreciating the small joys makes such an enormous difference.
I am right now at the point where my marriage is no longer in my own hands. I have held the reins so tightly for so long I didn't realize what a relief it would be to let go. Completely. I am now trusting in the spirit that whatever happens is for the best. One thing I now know with absolute certainty is that my life will be filled with joy no matter what happens. Either path will have it's difficulties but I make a vow here and now to rejoice in the small stuff.
It's summer. My children are an endless, continuous source of pleasure. I have some of the most solid friendships on might ever hope for. An immediate and extended family who has proven time and again it will do anything to support me.
These are amazing, life affirming blessings. I have been taking them for granted but I refuse to do so any longer. I will revel in them, large and small. My husband must make and live with his own choices. This choice is mine. These are the promises I make to myself:
To listen to my heart; it will know what to do.
To follow my own dreams...I will not live THROUGH anyone; ny husband, children or friends.
To devlop my role as a parent without lettin it overtake me. While it's my most important role, it is not my only one.
To live in the moment. Not the past and especially not the future.
To keep my dreams alive but my expectations low. More is NOT better.
To keep things simple.
The Gratitude Journal will remain a part of my life. Iw ill never again decide I have nothing to be grateful for. Every day is a discovery. Even the worst days have gems of moments. I will seach out the gems.
These are the gems of today:
-I persevered with Leo and did not let my impatience get in the way of teaching him responsibility for cleaning up after himself. His future wife will thank me.
-My mother gave me a true gift--time alone--and I did not squander it.
-The day is exceptionally beautiful. Warm sun, blue-green water. Waves lapping. (Okay, lake waves, but waves nonetheless)
-Sophie said, "Grandpa, are you going to play golf?" he said, "yes" She said "Are you going to see 'the boys'?" She's 2. She kills me.
-The continued presence of my brother, Marty.
I started my first Gratitude Journal a little over a year ago. At the time, I loved the idea. It meant I didn't need to write very much, didn't have to be articulate or profound...I just had to remind myself each evening of five things I had been grateful for that day. I though it would be easy enough. It was--for about three monthes. It was right about the time my marriage had begun to falter. After a few months, I decided I didn't actually have much to be grateful for so I quit writing. Now, in the midst of the worst of it, I realize what a mistake I made.
I quit reminding myself of all the beautiful things in life merely because one aspect of my life wasn't working.
When a marriage is failing, it is a tragedy, but by letting it rule the rest of my life, I am contributing even more to the problem. Unhappiness is contagious.
The problems of our marriage are many and varied. They are both no one's fault and both our individual faults. As we slipped, we both stopped taking pleasure in things previously valued. It's amazing, though, at the darkest hours, how much appreciating the small joys makes such an enormous difference.
I am right now at the point where my marriage is no longer in my own hands. I have held the reins so tightly for so long I didn't realize what a relief it would be to let go. Completely. I am now trusting in the spirit that whatever happens is for the best. One thing I now know with absolute certainty is that my life will be filled with joy no matter what happens. Either path will have it's difficulties but I make a vow here and now to rejoice in the small stuff.
It's summer. My children are an endless, continuous source of pleasure. I have some of the most solid friendships on might ever hope for. An immediate and extended family who has proven time and again it will do anything to support me.
These are amazing, life affirming blessings. I have been taking them for granted but I refuse to do so any longer. I will revel in them, large and small. My husband must make and live with his own choices. This choice is mine. These are the promises I make to myself:
To listen to my heart; it will know what to do.
To follow my own dreams...I will not live THROUGH anyone; ny husband, children or friends.
To devlop my role as a parent without lettin it overtake me. While it's my most important role, it is not my only one.
To live in the moment. Not the past and especially not the future.
To keep my dreams alive but my expectations low. More is NOT better.
To keep things simple.
The Gratitude Journal will remain a part of my life. Iw ill never again decide I have nothing to be grateful for. Every day is a discovery. Even the worst days have gems of moments. I will seach out the gems.
These are the gems of today:
-I persevered with Leo and did not let my impatience get in the way of teaching him responsibility for cleaning up after himself. His future wife will thank me.
-My mother gave me a true gift--time alone--and I did not squander it.
-The day is exceptionally beautiful. Warm sun, blue-green water. Waves lapping. (Okay, lake waves, but waves nonetheless)
-Sophie said, "Grandpa, are you going to play golf?" he said, "yes" She said "Are you going to see 'the boys'?" She's 2. She kills me.
-The continued presence of my brother, Marty.
posted by Ask Me Anything at Wednesday, November 29, 2006
8 Comments:
Wonderful post Terry, which is why you should be so proud of yourself today. You exemplify the words courage and perseverence. Sometimes the hardest lessons are the ones worth learning.
Thank you for your post.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your journal. I need to remember to be grateful for the little things. Your words from experience are very comforting and most welcome today.
I am so thankful to have met you. Great post.
WOWOWOWOWOWWOW! PLEASE, will you take an A? LOVE this post. You are my hero.
Excellent and so very grounding. It has caused me to now pause and be thankful for what I have in my life. Thank you.
I loved the line, "as we slipped." That's what it is, isn't it?
Also, Leo's "future wife."
Gratitude really is a powerful thing.
Terry,
Another pearl of wisdom!!! Thank you for the reminder to be thank-ful! I have been carrying a gratitude rock since our workshop and it is amazing how quick and powerful a little reminder can be.
When can your faithful readers expect the next installment? We miss you!
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