AHA Moment
I read, therefore I am.
I don’t know what others do to solve problems, but I know what I do. I read. The bigger the problem, the more books I own on the topic.
One of my friends will only ask my advice on an issue if I first promise not to recommend a book. Throughout my childhood, I read. Prior to my separation, I read. While separated, I was a reading machine:
Getting the Love you Want—A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix
Working through Conflict—Strategies for Relationships by Joseph Folger
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman
Crazy Time—Surviving a Divorce and Creating a New Life by Abigail Trafford
Single Mothers by Joan Anderson
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Mom’s House, Dad’s House by Isolina Ricci
The Good Marriage—How and Why Love Lasts by Judith Wallerstein
These are the books I still have left from that time period—there were at least a half a dozen more that have been given to those in need. Night after night, the minute the kids fell asleep, I’d get into my coziest flannel pajamas, make a cup of hot cocoa, grab a fleece blanket and curl up on the couch in my living room and begin to lose myself in the book of the moment. For me, reading varying authors with differing approaches allowed bits and pieces to meld together to create insights that could actually break through “the clutter” of my mind.
A recurring theme from my reading centered around the idea that we choose our mate unconsciously through replicating a strong relationship from the past in which negative emotions remained unresolved. That from within the marriage you may be able to finally put those unresolved issues to rest.
One night, pajamas, blanket and cocoa at hand, I was halfway through “The Good Marriage”. The book outlines the differing types of marriages and gives many examples of how and why the interviewed couples unconsciously chose their spouses. Attempting to find myself and my “choice” within the pages, I kept failing. Most of these couples had some sort of unresolved issue with a parent—and no matter how hard I tried, I could not find a similarity between my choice of mate and either one of my parents.
As the notion dawned, I sat straight up on the couch.
"OhmyGod, I married my sister," I spoke outloud to the empty room.
To be continued...
I don’t know what others do to solve problems, but I know what I do. I read. The bigger the problem, the more books I own on the topic.
One of my friends will only ask my advice on an issue if I first promise not to recommend a book. Throughout my childhood, I read. Prior to my separation, I read. While separated, I was a reading machine:
Getting the Love you Want—A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix
Working through Conflict—Strategies for Relationships by Joseph Folger
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman
Crazy Time—Surviving a Divorce and Creating a New Life by Abigail Trafford
Single Mothers by Joan Anderson
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Mom’s House, Dad’s House by Isolina Ricci
The Good Marriage—How and Why Love Lasts by Judith Wallerstein
These are the books I still have left from that time period—there were at least a half a dozen more that have been given to those in need. Night after night, the minute the kids fell asleep, I’d get into my coziest flannel pajamas, make a cup of hot cocoa, grab a fleece blanket and curl up on the couch in my living room and begin to lose myself in the book of the moment. For me, reading varying authors with differing approaches allowed bits and pieces to meld together to create insights that could actually break through “the clutter” of my mind.
A recurring theme from my reading centered around the idea that we choose our mate unconsciously through replicating a strong relationship from the past in which negative emotions remained unresolved. That from within the marriage you may be able to finally put those unresolved issues to rest.
One night, pajamas, blanket and cocoa at hand, I was halfway through “The Good Marriage”. The book outlines the differing types of marriages and gives many examples of how and why the interviewed couples unconsciously chose their spouses. Attempting to find myself and my “choice” within the pages, I kept failing. Most of these couples had some sort of unresolved issue with a parent—and no matter how hard I tried, I could not find a similarity between my choice of mate and either one of my parents.
As the notion dawned, I sat straight up on the couch.
"OhmyGod, I married my sister," I spoke outloud to the empty room.
To be continued...
posted by Ask Me Anything at Tuesday, November 07, 2006
6 Comments:
That is hysterical. Sucks how if you just keep on looking, you actualy find the answers. And sometimes it seems easier if we didn't look, but in the long run, we must.
Am looking forward to the next piece.
Thanks for another happy dose of your writing! Love hearing the story again, your voice comes right through on the page. It's funny all over again, too! Can't wait for the next part!
AHA!
Great work Terry! Can't wait to hear the rest.
God I love the way you tell your story! Now hurry and write the next page! We're all waiting!
Don't you just love those "AHA" moments? And you never know when they are going to come. Great description in the way the "aha" moment happened. Keep going Terry- great stuff.
I am just now getting into your blog and I loved this post. Thank you for sharing so much! I look forward to reading more.
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