LIAR
I knew he lied.
Having dropped him off at the airport, I headed back and tried to sleep. Tossing and turning for the first five hours, then finally dropping off into a dreamless coma, I awoke sometime the next afternoon. My parents were waiting. They had no idea what had happened, they only knew Greg was no longer in the house.
I’ve always been the type of person who only gets clarity AS I speak, never before. As I relayed the previous evening's “back and forth” conversation to my parents, and ended by describing how Greg had said he didn’t think he had ever loved me, the truth dawned.
He lied. Big time.
It’s one of those things you just know in your gut and I knew it. He may not love me now, and probably hadn’t for at least a year, maybe two. But he once loved me. He once found me delightful, fascinating, funny, adorable and even sexy.
Knowing he was lying both to me and to himself put me in a bind. In some ways, it would’ve been considerably easier if I had believed him. If I believed him, I would have been able to chalk it up as the biggest mistake of my life and move on.
The liar had me stuck.
Having dropped him off at the airport, I headed back and tried to sleep. Tossing and turning for the first five hours, then finally dropping off into a dreamless coma, I awoke sometime the next afternoon. My parents were waiting. They had no idea what had happened, they only knew Greg was no longer in the house.
I’ve always been the type of person who only gets clarity AS I speak, never before. As I relayed the previous evening's “back and forth” conversation to my parents, and ended by describing how Greg had said he didn’t think he had ever loved me, the truth dawned.
He lied. Big time.
It’s one of those things you just know in your gut and I knew it. He may not love me now, and probably hadn’t for at least a year, maybe two. But he once loved me. He once found me delightful, fascinating, funny, adorable and even sexy.
Knowing he was lying both to me and to himself put me in a bind. In some ways, it would’ve been considerably easier if I had believed him. If I believed him, I would have been able to chalk it up as the biggest mistake of my life and move on.
The liar had me stuck.
posted by Ask Me Anything at Sunday, October 22, 2006
5 Comments:
WOW- Love the title of this. The "liar" may have had you stuck, but oh my, was he ever stuck big time.
I'm sorry about the devestating truth. Truth does hurt.
Ack! And then what?????
Your voice somes through on the cyber page, Ter, I can just hear you telling this story.
LL&ML.
I never get clarity AS I speak -- everything comes out sounding like a jumbled mess. Thank goodness for writing and all the editing, deleting, and rethinking it allows. It appears you're skilled at both (speaking and writing)
The ambiguous state is the worst. For anyone who struggles, I can only hope for them one thing and that is clarity. It may still hurt, but the healing can start so much more quickly.
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